I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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