Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
