I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
