who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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