I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
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I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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