you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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