Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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