Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
