And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
