Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
