Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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