nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
