I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
