community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
