I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
