you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
