How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize