I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
