I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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