Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
