just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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