All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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