I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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