I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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