Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize