Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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