i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
