i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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