More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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