Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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