did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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