My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
try to milk me bitch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
