You smell like a Billy Joel song
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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