I love black thongs
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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