she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
