btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
