did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
