i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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