so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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He felt like a one man threesome
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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