forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
from now on my penis is your penis
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
