I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
