He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
