i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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