Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
