guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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