First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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