You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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