i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
