I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
