he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
