I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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