this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
