I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
