508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Randomize
