Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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