I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
