remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
