bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A bitchslap is in order.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
