Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Say something about gay babies.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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