That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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