Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
