Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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