another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She needs sedatives and a leash
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
