I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
