did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
