TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
