woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
