can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Everyone says I win the strip club
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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