Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
