My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
