There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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