I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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