do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
