Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
