i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
