redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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