I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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