Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
