You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
