Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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