I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
