Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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