I hate all girls vehemently.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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