if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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