it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
