I wish I could teleport
Do you still have your period?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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