just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
