My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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