i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
