Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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