You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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