yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize