I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
