It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
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He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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